Management Speak

Sidd Finch
Friday, February 11, 2005

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Once More, With Feeling

Did you ever notice how when management tells you something they don't always tell you everything?  Sometimes it seems like they have their own special language for everything.  If you're in the know, it all makes sense, but if not, use this handy guide to translate management speak into what you really need to know.

The product is going to ship in Q4...
....we just don't know what year.

No serious bugs have been reported...
....since we don't have any actual users yet.

We're totally committed to training and education...
....you'll learn on the spot or we'll fire you.

We're big on open source software...
....and anything else you can download free.

I don't want to point fingers...
....but you definitely screwed up!

It's an aggressive schedule...
....that assumes infinite resources.

We only hire the best and the brightest...
....from the local high school.

There's a significant upside in revenues...
....we haven't sold anything yet!

We need to push the envelope on this one...
....and if you get caught, I will deny all knowledge.

We want to hire a real risk taker...
....who won't look too carefully at the books.

The CEO is a real up-and-comer...
....and he's never been convicted.

We're at least 24 months ahead of the competition...
....and at most six months from bankruptcy.

We've got a major deal we're about to announce...
....if we can ever get the software to work.

About the author
Sidd Finch is a former consultant well versed in management double speak.