Home     News     Features     Library     RTFM Store     Book     About    
  Top Features
  Doctor Cellphone
  Vouchers We'd Like to See
  More Holidays
  Absolut Crash
  Merger Mania
  Banner Ads We'd Like To See
  More Features...

  Like this page?
  Like this site?
  Get the book
  Read reviews
  Support this site

  FREE newsletter
  Win FREE RTFM gear!

Web valleyofthegeeks.com

Microsoft Security

Zack Urlocker
Sunday, July 28, 2002

Related News:

Putting On The Fritz

On the FritzMicrosoft recently announced a new integrated security effort known as Palladium, named after the statue of Pallas Athena, believed to protect the ancient city of Troy with digital rights management and a hundred year monopoly. The idea of Palladium is to embed security directly into the PC by having hardware vendors sell security chips below cost and have Microsoft provide the high-margin software. Although Palladium won't be formally announced until 2004 and likely won't ship until some time after that, we've managed to get a preview of the top new security functions.

10. convertPasswordToPigLatin

9. sendToMicrosoft

8. checkForPorn

7. sendToBill

6. crashUponDetection

5. crashAnyways

4. scrambleHardDrive

3. checkWithMelinda

2. sellStock

1. crashNasdaq 

The following APIs have been removed as no longer being necessary

    • crashNetscape (obsolete)
    • crashLotus (obsolete)
    • deletePhilippe (obsolete)
    • crashAOL (implemented by TimeWarner)
    • enableVirus (now included in Windows Kernel)
    • disableVirus (not working)

About the author

Zack Urlocker is a pseudonym for a Silicon Valley software executive who sometimes feels insecure.

Home     News     Features     Library     RTFM Store     Book     About    
Entire contents © Copyright 2002 - 2004 Z. Urlocker.  All rights reserved. No kidding.
All contents fictional and satirical.
RSS Feed