Apple Bars Auditors from Real Work

Nate Orenstam
Monday, February 18, 2002

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Doesn't Need Consultants To Screw Things Up

(Palo Alto, CA) Apple Computer, in an apparent reaction to the latest financial scandal at Enron, has announced that it is banning its financial auditors from engaging in any non-audit work. Apple CEO Steve Jobs stated "We don't need outside consultants to screw up our finances. That's what the CFO is for."

Apple's new policy will no longer permit the audit teams to engage in:

• Auditing of non-financial matters

• Muttering during non-financial audits

• Sputtering obsceneties audibly

• Carrying firearms inside the building

• Cooking in the Apple cafeteria

The auditors will still be allowed to run errands for Steve, though company policy prohibits them from providing full body massages.

About the author
Nate Orenstam's first computer was an Apple ][ computer with 48K of RAM and dual 130K floppy disk drives. It still boots faster and crashes less often than Windows.