Spitzer Tackles Boob Job
Seriously Inflated Ratings
(New York) New York Attorney General and nine-time olympic medal winner Eliot Spitzer has announced an investigation into CBS's notorious SuperBowl halftime event. "This is the kind of tawdry smut you'd expect to see in some cheap porn magazine like National Geographic, not on national television," Spitzer said.
Spitzer went on to say that the NFL could be fined millions in an attempt to deceive the public. "I've watched this video quite a few times, and I think those breasts are fake," he said. "Or at least the right one is, the left one is still up for grabs," he said. "I mean, ah, open to question."
Spitzer is upset that the show was aired on primetime television with no warnings. "The SuperBowl is supposed to be a family event," Spitzer complained. "I had my mom over to watch the game, and let me tell you, this was not family entertainment. First we had to sit through all those commercials about Livitup and then a bunch of farting horses from Budweiser." But when Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's bodice to expose her breast, it was just too much for Spitzer; His mother made him leave the room. "He's a good boy, but awfully high strung," Mrs. Spitzer told reporters. "He just needed a time out."
"Eliot was always a sensitive boy," she said. "I remember when he was about fifteen, the same thing happened to him. Actually, it was a bunch of the local girls pulled up his shorts and then stuffed him into a gym locker." Mrs. Spitzer said it was a terrible time for her son and thinks it was what first started him thinking about law school. "He's always been a bit of a prude," she said. "I think he's the only person who hasn't seen Janet Jackson naked."
"I may have ogled but I never Googled ," Spitzer said.
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