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Andersen Linked To Fires

Sidd Finch
Saturday, June 29, 2002

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More Efficient Than Shredding

Hot hot hot(Charbeque, Ariz.) In the latest scandal to rock Arthur Andersen, the accounting firm has now been linked to forest fires ravaging hundreds of acres of Arizona and Colorado wilderness. Apparently, bags of shredded documents from Enron, WorldCom, Peregrine, Qwest and other former clients, were found at the site of recent blazes in the southwest, along with dozens of Andersen tote bags, coffee mugs, hats, visors and other promotional items. Coming on the heels of recent accounting fraud charges at Enron and WorldCom, Andersen employees have apparently take the company's document retention policy to a new extreme: setting torch to entire states.

Andersen's efficiency experts realized that the manual process of shredding incriminating documents was too tedious and error prone. "We've always tried to help clients operate more efficiently. So naturally, accelerating the document destruction process was something we felt was important," said a corporate spokesman. Nonetheless, the firm has denied any direct involvement in the fires. "There isn't a shred of evidence to support this theory," stated acting CEO Otto Cordoba. "At least that was the idea."

Hot Hot Hot

In separate news, Ernst & Young has rescinded offers to hire 100 former Arthur Andersen staff including nine partners in their Pacific Southwest region including Colorado, Arizona and Southern California. "We were hoping they'd really set things on fire, but we're afraid they might take that too literally," spokesman Mel Practice said. "Besides, as soon as we hired them, all their old clients quit again. I guess we didn't really think that one through."

About the author
Sidd Finch is a telecommunications industry reporter and a supporter of the Anderson alumni site.

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