MS Apologizes For Nukes

Nate Orenstam
Monday, December 01, 2008

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Fined $50 For UN Violation

(Redmond, Wash.) Microsoft Corporation today apologized to the United Nations for supporting North Korea's violation of the nuclear disarmament treaty. Earlier in the week it was revealed that Microsoft had afixed promotional decals to announce the new MSN 8 internet service on North Korean nuclear war heads stored at a secret underground facility. Microsoft originally claimed to have a permit from the United Nations to promote MSN 8, but it later turned out that the permit had actually been created in Microsoft Publisher - XE (Axis of Evil) included free with Microsoft XP in North Korea, Iraq, Iran, Libya and Miami. The story was further complicated when spokesman Bill Melayter from Microsoft's PR firm Wagmore-Headstrong claimed that Microsoft was "eating AOLs lunch in adoption among terrorists." Later in the day the spokesman apologized for the remark and attributed the campaign to overzealous independent contractors. Only later was it revealed that the work was done by staff of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to Prevent Infectious ISP Services.

AOL Restates Earnings

Microsoft's agressive marketing campaign is the latest in a series of tough actions for rival AOL. Separately, AOL acknowledged that they had overstated advertising earnings for the last 12 years. Chairman Steve Case said that it was a technical error. "Technically, we recognized revenues from Time Warner's advertising a few years in advance of the acquisition." The results will reduce revenue by approximately $1.8 billion and pre-tax earnings by $950 million. "But with AOL 8.0 we've added a new anti-spam filter to automatically handle complaints from the SEC."

About the author
Nate Orenstam is among the world's best Java programmers.