Protesters Protest Protests

Nate Orenstam
Sunday, March 23, 2003

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Don't Cry for Me, Orange County

(Hollywood, California) Protesters in Hollywood, California held an "SUVs for Peace" rally yesterday to protest the ongoing war in Iraq.  Protesters, led by activist actor and director Sean Penn blocked traffic for several minutes before heading off for dinner and drinks. 

"I don't know if it was much of a protest," said Los Angeles Police Officer Patrick O'Graft.  It was really just a backup of limos and BMWs trying to turn into the Hotel Bel-Air valet parking area for happy hour.  "Mr. Penn gave me $20 and asked me to park his car," said O'Graft.  "When I said no, he tried to punch me and said I had a military complex or something."  Mr. Penn was later seen trying to instigate a group of hotel guests into chanting "the whole world is watching" but failed to get anyone to join in and was promptly asked to leave the dining area. 

Penn is part of a small but insignificant group of has-been Hollywood stars protesting the protestations of non-war protesting protest groups.  "We want to get our message out, which is that we protest the news coverage the protest protesters are getting," he said.  "I mean, I take out a full page ad in the Washington Post and I still can't get on Letterman," he complained.  "Also, we're against the tyranical oppression of movie-goers everywhere, forcing people to watch CNN when the acadamy awards are on."

Mr. Penn first became a social activist following the success of the thought-provoking drama "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." At the time, writers compared him to some of the great actors of the 1940s and 50s.  "He's nothing like them," reported the New York Times.  Mr. Penn later was famous for marrying Madonna and sulking for several years after the release of the box-office flop "Shanghai Surprise."  Although Mr. Penn has never won an Oscar, he has been nominated for the Best Supporting Coward in an International Conflict. 

About the author
Nate Orenstam is among the world's best programmers and a conscientious objector in the battle between Java and .Net.