MS to Ship Java
And Other Crap Software
(Highway View, Calif.) U.S. District Judge J. "Freddy" Motz has ruled that Microsoft must distribute the latest version of Sun's Java platform in Windows. The judge gave both sides 90 days to meet with him and work out the details before a final order is issue. Microsoft officials stated that they were ready to fully comply with the judge's ruling. "We're more than happy to ship Sun's slower virtual machine if that's what the courts want," said spokesman Spencer O'Cripes. "Our engineers are in the process of removing the fixes they made so that we will be fully bug-compliant with Sun's latest efforts."
Microsoft is planning a three-phased approach towards achieving compliance with the ruling to ensure that customers have access to Sun's software. "We've already got our tech support BBS in Kyrgyzstan set up with a dedicated 28K modem line," said O'Cripes. "During phase two, we'll also make available a 117 disk set of 5 1/4 inch floppy disks." Microsoft expects the final phase to be completed with the next revision of Windows XP, tentatively known as Microsoft Windows .HazMat. "We're not saying that Sun's Java software is in itself a bio-hazard, but obviously we can't certify that that's not the case. In the meanwhile, customers can continue to order Windows XP 'Classic.' In fact, we will have a new promotion going on offering $500 tax refund and a guarantee of no tax audits to any customer who orders Windows XP Classic in the next 89 days. That's co-marketed with our partners in the IRS."
Meanwhile Sun continues to press its $1 billion antitrust suit claiming Microsoft used its monopoly power to hurt Java in the marketplace. "Yeah, that was the idea, wasn't it?" asked Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO. "Did they expect us to help them?"
Sun is expected to be working with other Microsoft rivals to try and enlist broader support in their attack on the OS provider. "We've asked the courts to extend the order," said Sun spokesman Bill Weevel. "We think Microsoft should be required to include other important software with Windows, including WordPerfect for OS/2, Quattro Pro Win/DOS and dBase II for CP/M" Sun officials admitted they were having trouble locating the publishers of these software titles. "I think Borland's still around, aren't they?"
Analysts were divided on the impact of the court's decision. Senior GiGo Analyst Tommy Tutone declared Motz's decision a "significant victory for Sun and other hardware companies that wish they were in the software business." However, in a report issued later in the afternoon on Microsoft stationary, Tutone also claimed that Microsoft's impact in the market place could not be underestimated. "They've got a lot of money in the bank," he said. "I mean, I've never seen this much money before."
Microsoft officials would not comment on the rumor that they are planning a counter-suit against Sun. The company has been quietly putting together a case that could require Sun to ship key Microsoft software: namely, Microsoft Bob.
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